One of my favorite things to read each year is the Boerne Star’s BEST OF thing that they do. You’ve got all the normal categories, like BEST BURGER or BEST LAWYER, and some are legit and some are hogwash and everybody knows it.
I got to thinking about this the other day and figured I’d do my own BEST OF. Mine won’t be as comprehensive as the Star’s but I bet mine will be more fun. Here we go.
BEST NEWS OUTLET
How can this be anything but the Boerne Star? It’s not really a NEWSpaper as there’s not any news in it, but I suppose that’s part of the fun. It’s all obits, social photos, and sports recaps. Maybe that’s all we really need in a newspaper anyway. Now, there IS news that happens here, and no, they don’t cover it. Too busy down at the 4H barns taking photos of kids for the Social Scene pages.
BEST NON-ELECTED CITY OFFICIAL
This award goes to Betty with Code Enforcement, or whom I affectionately call The Sign Nazi. Her job, as far as I can tell, consists of driving around looking for rule-breakers. You tied balloons to your sign? That’s an infraction! Is that neon OPEN sign flashing a little too quick? Here’s your infraction! I love it. NO SIGN FOR YOU!
BEST MEXICAN FOOD
Don’t you dare tell me Mary’s Tacos. That’s bacon, eggs, and tortillas. Mague’s is good. Heck, Guadalajara is good. If you want to know where good Mexican food is, you follow the landscaping trailers, beat up work trucks, and assorted other vehicles that our Hispanic friends are driving. Where are they eating lunch? Don Ruben’s! The décor is eye-scorching yellow, lots of Catholic paraphernalia everywhere, your waitress speaks 3 words of English and your entire bill is $4.25 for enough food to put you in a coma. THAT is where you go for Mexican food.
PLACE TO HANG OUT after 5:01 pm but before 7:59 pm
Let’s face it, Boerne’s “nightlife” consists of the after work crowd, and concludes as soon as the sun falls. I have no idea why this is, as it has been this way since Boerne was born. So where’s the best place for the happy hour crowd? Salvador Dobbs. I have been digging this place. You can get a proper martini or other high ball cocktail, sit on the patio and enjoy the rumbling trucks as they pass. Or you could throw rocks at ducks. Or you could go to freaking Chili’s with the rest of the knuckleheads and swill beer.
BEST CITY WIDE EVENT
Berges Fest is fun. Kendall County Fair is allright. Dickens on Main is a circus of crazy that most locals avoid. My favorite City Wide Event is actually the Movie in the Park that the Parks & Rec department puts on. Summer evening, primarily attended only by locals, kids playing in the waterfall, and fireflies buzzing. It’s about as “small town” as Boerne can feel anymore.
BEST ROAD IN TOWN
This one is easy – there is no “good road” in Boerne. They are all either pot-hole filled streets that you must navigate like a minefield, or they are torn to shreds in construction with the promise that it’ll be good as new in August. Notice they didn’t tell you WHICH August?
BEST PEACE OFFICER / SECURITY OFFICER
Here’s to you Mr. Security Hut Officer at the Boerne Lake. You are out there every day, demanding that citizens bring their utility bill so that they can access their public waters. If not, you stare at us over the top of your aviator glasses and hiss, “Then that will be $5 per car.” On the weekends, you let the line back up to the freeway so that San Antonio folks can come destroy our drinking water source. But here’s to you, Mr. Security Hut Officer – keep up the good work.
BEST MAIL DELIVERY PERSON
Whoever is delivering mail to my neighbor is the best in town. I know this because they get their mail, my mail, the mail from the guy down the street. Sometimes they just mail from random parts of town, and ya know, that’s called SERVICE.
BEST WAY TO CIRCUMVENT PUBLIC OUTCRY
The 17 Herff scandal almost had this town in a Civil War. Then, to everyone’s surprise, the City Council actually shot them down. But 17 Herff, being a smart group of developers, hired a PR firm, gave the development a fancy new logo, and even had some Meet ‘n Greet style meetings with citizens. With all this public goodwill, they went right back to City Council and got that sucker approved so fast your head would spin. Yeah, they loosened their demands for a few parts of their development, but a new logo plus a few well timed PR pieces, and they gamed the whole town. Kudos.