I’m bored on a Saturday night, and as I sat on my porch this evening, I got to thinking about this town. I catch myself getting frustrated at things that go on around here, but instead of being a cantankerous old man, I challenged myself with the simple question of “Ok, so if you were in charge, what would you do on the FIRST DAY of your term that would actually improve things around here?”
It took me a while, but here we go. These are in no particular order, but I think that at the end of my first day the City would have an entirely new direction (that’s a good thing).
- I think I’d cancel the contract for our City Manager and staff. I’m sure they are nice folks, but anyone that has allowed this level of land raping in this town to go on for as long as it has gone on should get the boot. Their replacements will be someone from Fredericksburg, Santa Fe, or from any of the other cities throughout the country that actually works to preserve their town’s heritage, vibe, and look without selling it out to the highest bidder.
- I would personally hang the new signs at Boerne Lake that alert users to our new pricing structure: Citizens – FREE / County non-residents – $150/car.
- We’re stuck with the $chultz’s stupid Taj-Mah-City Hall…but I’d take a look at the blueprint and sublet out 50% of the building to private renters. I guarantee you that I could do it and save the City a mountain of cash because we all know that the building is far more than what was necessary and is nothing more than a “legacy maker” for a few certain people.
- Kendall Gateway – I would call TxDot and tell them that we are not interested in any further discussion on the topic and that they will not get our support in any way. Bye.
- When I’m done yelling at that person from TxDot, I’ll demand another TxDot person to come to town and they cannot leave until they time every single light in this town to function at maximum effectiveness. No more sitting at a red light while the other light is green and there are no cars going through. Our lights will be set to unbelievable precision and you should be able to drive from one end of town to the other without hitting a red light. Then when they’re done I’ll explain that this is why we don’t need a Kendall loop because we just fixed 80% of our traffic problems. And yes, I promise you that our ridiculous red lights are a great source of woes in terms of traffic and congestion.
- County Commissioner jobs are now non-paid, just like City Council. The days of them collecting their juicy check + free car are over. If they want to serve, they can SERVE. They shouldn’t be campaigning for their JOB.
- Moratorium on….EVERYTHING. That’s right, shut it all down. No new permits, no new developments, no new construction. We’re going to meticulously go through every single lot in this town and re-do the zoning to ensure it is proper. When we’re done, developers will know that it’s going to take an act of Congress to get a zoning change, and even then it’s doubtful. If they don’t like it, BYE. There’s plenty of other developers behind you.
- All ducks on River Rd shall be killed with impunity. We will then grill them up and have a city wide BBQ at the River Park. The stupid duck statue will be thrown into the river to become fish habitat.
- I’m also going to re-zone all buildings facing Main from Texas Meat Co to the Town Square so that they can only be retail / restaurant / bar / etc… (think tourism). We need to increase our walkable tourist section of town, and with stupid crap like CVS almost happening, we’re going to drill down on our zoning to not only preserve the shopping district, but expand it.
- I’m going to ban 18-wheelers on Main unless they are making a delivery. There are countless ways for a big rig to avoid our town depending on their destination. Sitting at Boerne Grill and having to scream across the table as tractor trailers rumble down our “quaint” shopping district is ridiculous. No mas.
I’m not done, but I suppose that makes for an OK first day. I’m pleased as I re-read my list because at the end of my first day, I have grabbed hold of the steering wheel and every citizen in this town knows that we are heading in a new direction (which I think the overwhelming population desires) . I also think that developers now know that playtime is over in Boerne, and that’s a very, very good thing. Lastly, I think that the citizens might retain a little HOPE, and that my friends, is in very short supply in the past 6 years.
Now we just need someone to print this out and run on this platform so that we are not condemned to another couple years of this depressing madness via our City leadership. I’d do it, but I’m too old. And I’m not sure if my “killing the ducks” pledge would go over that well.