Worthy are the Worthless

Sometimes I like to get down on myself. I like to just go through certain periods and really, REALLY tell myself that I’m a miserable failure, a mess, and that I’m just going to die alone in a desert. I mean, I’m an awful sinner who constantly falls short of my goals and God’s, so my natural response is to simply hang my head, resign myself to the fact that God Himself is doing a facepalm in heaven, and so I just sulk. There’s no hope for me. It’s a delightful activity that reaps me much value and positivity.
No, honestly, it sucks.
spiritual    But am I the only one that does this? Surely not. We all tend to set these goals of perfection for ourselves and hold ourselves to standards that surely do not translate very well to real life. So you occasionally tell lies? You have this big talk with God and pour out your heart to Him and pledge that you are going to do better about lying. This is one of those moments you feel GOOD about yourself. You’ve confessed this sins, repented from him, and are seriously going to make some headway toward being free of lying. You puff your chest out, put your chin up, and brother, you are walking tall.
And then tomorrow happens. Ah, tomorrow. That day when real life has to happen all over again and you’re faced with an entirely NEW days’ worth of drama and struggles. A new day where you are truly put to the test and are put in situations that require your resolve, your faith, and your determination.
And then you fail, and you lie. You would think that you were responsible for mass murder by your reaction, because you immediately wail out in despair, beat your head against the wall, and murmur to yourself “I’m so worthless.”
Worthless. Pathetic. Failure.
My 9 year old daughter struggles at math. Badly. She inherited this special trait from me, as I hold the world record for time required to compute correct change. Poor kid. Unfortunately, my daughter has similar struggles in math, and it breaks my heart when I watch her try with all of her might to figure out a problem quickly, only to struggle and get the answer wrong. She will throw her arms in the air, sigh deeply, and just mumble, “I will never, ever get this right.” Now, I’m just her dad, and watching her try so hard only to fail…..just breaks my heart. What do you think God thinks when YOU are trying to do something hard? And what do you think He does when you fail? Does He turn his back on you and condemn you? Does He throw his hands up in the air and scream “My goodness you’re an idiot!”? Does He mumble “I knew you’d fail.”?
No. He runs for you and holds you and loves you.
While my daughter will get better at math, she will never be perfect at math. Neither will you be perfect at life. You just won’t be. You WILL fail, and you will fall, and you will do the wrong thing. Why expect yourself to not make a mistake?
What would change in your life if you woke up every day knowing that you would probably commit sin that day? Guess what: you will. So instead of seeking perfection, seek effort. Wake up refreshed and ready to navigate your day in the most God-like way that you can. Will you succeed? Marginally. But the pursuit of Christ is the true test to hold yourself to. If you can lay your head down at night and say “You know, I sincerely tried hard today to ensure that I was pursuing Christ.”
If you can say that, then honestly, it was a PERFECT day.


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