Have you ever noticed that the harder you try to solve a particular problem the further from the solution you get?
The more you want to make the sale, the faster the client runs to the next competitor.
The more you want that new promotion, the more you get ignored by your boss.
The harder you try to get the attention of that beautiful girl, the less she wants you.
Desperation is a flashing pink neon sign with moths hovering around it.
When I was early in my real estate career, building up a business without experience, clients or even a regular paycheck, every phone call, every showing, every appointment mattered as if it was the only thing in my world and it was my job to convince people to work with me. Prospective sellers could see my desperation from a mile away and used it to their advantage to get a better deal on commission, get me to spend money on advertising I knew was ineffective or even convince me to help clean their house or fix their fence despite the fact that my own were being neglected.
What I didn’t know at the time, and have since learned, is that desperation is simply a mind state that others can spot as a weakness. That a scarcity mindset can follow you whether you have a lot or have a little, it’s merely a matter of perspective.
Do you know who has the most power in a negotiation? The person who needs the outcome the least.
How can you negotiate with someone who doesn’t need money or thinks they have all the time in the world? Sure, you can create demand and figure out what makes that person tick. Everyone has motivation, but you can’t convince someone to take action if they have no need. A motivation that comes from within a moral or philosophical framework is extremely powerful.
The beauty of letting go of the outcome, and focusing simply on the work, is absolute freedom of choice. This is called outcome independence and it stems from an abundant mindset, ultimately alThe beauty of letting go of the outcome, and focusing simply on the work, is absolute freedom of choice. This is called outcome independence and it stems from an abundant mindset, ultimately allowing you to let go of just about everything in your way that doesn’t serve your higher purpose.
Many people think that their life will be so much better if you got a raise, bought a Porsche 911 GT3 (me) or finally took that vacation you’ve been dreaming of. As a kid you can’t wait to be an adult. As an adult you can’t wait until you make more money, have a new set of golf clubs, get to take your yearly vacation.
The problem is that in all of those scenarios, you’re still the same person. Put bluntly, if you take your shitty, outcome dependent mindset with you to Maui, you’ll still have the same shitty mindset when you get back. You won’t be able to wait until you can escape again. You’ll be eternally searching for the next Maui or sports car to fill that void of desperation.
Outcome dependence is the path to existential disaster simply because nothing ever happens the way you intend. It makes us think and do irrational things, perform at a lower output and ultimately sacrifice our current leverage for a weaker mental state against the odds of the universe. And the universe always wins.
So how does one let go?
The key to “the art of acquiescing” as the stoics say, starts with an abundance mentality and an honest inventory of our actual needs.
Take a look at one of psychology’s oldest theories in Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs. It’s a pyramid of human needs starting with the physiological and increasing to the existential, self actualization. Some people may look at this as a goal and motivational process, identifying that the base level physiological goals are met first, moving up towards self-actualization, butI believe that you can start at the top through a belief that all the needs below are met or can be met when you change the way you look at the world.
I meditate on these things daily starting with my physiological needs. Deep breaths, sitting calmly and upright give me the sensation that I am fortunate to be alive, to be mostly free of pain and to be filled with gratitude for the opportunity to witness another day on earth. I am sitting comfortably in my home, surrounded by a community, family and friends who love and appreciate me. I have love for others and I believe they love me, but most importantly I love myself, simply for taking the time to appreciate these things. I know I am capable of any task in front of me or have the resources to figure this out. Life is abundant, there is more than enough for everyone around me and I am aligned with my purpose, which can be as simple as existing and being gracious.
From this meditation comes a mindset that anything is possible, that money, love, friendships come easily as they are needed and that anything I need will be provided. These thoughts provide the sense of calm that I can let go of everything not in my control. That if I show up with gratitude, work hard for the simple sake of working hard to fulfill my purpose, I can overcome any obstacle to achieve what I want.
To the doubters, I know what you may be thinking: this is hokey, life is not always abundant, there are real problems that this can’t solve and bad things happen in the world every day. I understand the sentiment, but I can assure you that if you can truly embody these two ideas, that the universe is abundant and you can let go of anything outside of your control, your world will open up in ways you never thought possible.
You will stop fearing the unknown, worrying about things that you have no control over and stop feeling as though you are a victim to the whims of the unpredictable world. People are attracted to abundance, they go where there are resources, and you will no longer be a black hole of desire, you will have what they are looking for.
The ultimate recipe for receiving what you want: an abundant mentality, gratitude for every small thing you experience, and the ability to let go of anything outside of your control. As a final note, take one piece of practical advice from “Chop Wood, Carry Water” and remove the word “need” from your vocabulary:
You don’t need to go to the grocery store, you want to so you can be grateful for the abundance H-E-B has to offer. You don’t need to visit your aging parents, you want to spend quality time with someone that dedicated their life to raising you. You don’t need to go to the business meeting, you want the opportunity to present your incredible ideas to a captive audience and solve their problems.
Great wealth isn’t from having many things, it’s from having few needs.
Let it go.
Hill Country local real estate agent,
investor, entrepreneur, musician
and avid day-trader. Interested in all
things music, beer and money. Tim
runs the Countdown Realty Team
with Keller Williams, and is creating
a real estate investment fund and
investment mentorship. You can find him
at one of the many local brewpubs.
Timothy Warlow, Jr.
Countdown Realty Team
Mobile: (210) 818-9457